Scorpio and Mars were happily married for thousands of years and rubbed along very nicely. But then Scorpio’s head was turned in 1930, when a dark suave mysterious stranger from America came along and started wooing her. “Watch out”, we all said. “He may look handsome, but he has a dark side. I wouldn’t trust that one – he’ll woo you, steal you from Mars and then dump you.”
Much gnashing of teeth and worried looks took place as Scorpio rushed headlong into the arms of this dark stranger, heedless of the warnings. “He’s highly eccentric”, we all said. “Not good news for a fixed sign like you”. “Ah, but I’m intrigued by his unusual inclination”, said Scorpio, too much in love to think clearly, “and let’s face it, I’ve always been drawn to the dark side a little.” But slowly the truth began to leak out. Far from being the dark loner that everyone thought, it turned out that Pluto had been hanging out with his hard-core drinking buddies behind Scorpio’s back. He wasn’t a loner at all – he spent his time mixing with a most unsavory bunch of centaurs, who’d kept themselves well hidden from the authorities. OK, the first guy, Chiron, seemed a nice enough sort of dude and we turned a blind eye. However, eventually they caught up with the others – and a whole series of “Wanted” posters appeared for these dodgy characters, known to the authorities simply as “KBOs”.
Chaotic dealer and drunkard Pholus was the first to be apprehended in 1992; then self-harmer Hylonome and violent rapist Nessus were hauled in. Pluto was desperately trying to distance himself from these characters, claiming that he was “different”, and besides was now happily married to a nice respectable zodiac sign (despite the fact that had been unpleasant rumours about the true nature of his relationship with his twin Charon). It didn’t sound convincing, though. They checked out his story, and it just didn’t wash. Eccentric orbit, small rocky body, inclined orbit – our smooth operator had all the hallmarks of a KBO, and he was finally brought to book. Sorry, Scorpio – I know you’re heartbroken but don’t say we didn’t warn you. Put it down to experience and life’s rich tapestry. Yeah, Mars was furious at the time, but you got to love a guy like Mars with a short fuse but a short memory to go with it. All is forgiven, and he’s glad to have you back!
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